Monday, October 1, 2012

My Awesome Injuries

Have you ever had a pretty serious injury, and a seriously awesome story to go along with it?  Because I haven't.  I've never even broken a bone, or had stitches.  What I'm trying to say is I'm boring.

Now act shocked.

I have had my share of injuries, but never from anything exciting.  If I'm limping around, it's because I have shin splints, not because someone hit me with their car.  (In which I'm grateful).  I have had a couple serious injuries, and they actually do have stories to go with them.  But they're not awesome.  They're extremely dumb and ridiculous.  Dumb, because I was being stupid when they happened, and ridiculous, because I'm just such a wild spirit!  Jokes.

So let's start with the story of when I got a concussion.  Concussions are cool, right?  Sure, except when I get them.  I'm not sure whose idea it was for me and my younger sister to tie ourselves together with a rope and jump around the house, but I was the genius who suggested that we also tie up our hands "To make it more difficult."  Sometimes I hate Past Kristen.  As you may have already guessed, we didn't make it very far.  Actually, we didn't even make it one full hop before we fell TOWARDS THE BRICK WALL.  And since we didn't have access to our arms, I helplessly fell into the brick wall head first.  It hurt.  Then I cried some, went home, cried over the toilet because I thought I was gonna puke, and went a little crazy.

After I asked what day it was a few times, my mom started to worry for my brain parts.  That's when I got to go on an adventure to the hospital WHEEE!  Except I still felt like I was going to be sick, so I just sat in the car with a trash can in my lap.  I can remember going to the emergency room -- which I always imagined being much more crazy and emergency-like -- and talking to the receptionist.  Well, my mom did the talking;  I just stood there holding the trash can.  (I'm sure I looked adorable).  "What happened to your daughter?"  My mother probably felt very proud when she told the secretary: "She hit her head on a brick wall when she and little sister tied themselves together with a jump rope."  Yeah, so I got a CAT scan and stuff and sure enough, I had a concussion!  Except I never learned of that minor detail until a few years later.  I really don't know how my mom failed to mention that to me. 

I have another story, but I don't really feel like explaining it because it's so stupid.  Basically I messed up my back when I was playing in the snow with a friend.  We weren't in high school or anything....Yeah, so we decided to do that super cool flip thing over the other person's back.  Normally it works fine, but my friend bailed mid-flip, and dropped me on my head.  Like I said, dumb.  I had to go to the chiropractor for a couple months after that to repair the damage.

Last week I showed up to work with this nice little scratch on my face.  
So apparently I look like an infant when I don't wear makeup.  I promise I'm 20.
I took this attractive picture a couple days after the incident, so it looked much more poofy and red when it was fresh.   So how did I get this flesh wound?  I was lying on my bed and had to grab a plastic folder from my back pack next to my head.  And then the folder attacked my face.  Naturally.

That night I went to work and got to tell everyone why I had a Harry Potter scar on my cheek.  Then mid-shift my ankle started to hurt.  By the end of the night I was limping like a gimp with a cut up face.  The next day I barely survived the walk to campus, and I decided that I should probably go to the doctor.  So the next morning I drove my trusty scooter to the student health center and met with a doctor.  He had no idea what was wrong with me.  Probably because my ankle started hurting for no reason and wasn't swollen, or hot, or sensitive to touch.  *Spoiler alert*: I never found out why my body decided to stop working. 

So then I got X-rays.  The man who took my x-rays was very...friendly.  In the ten minutes I spent with him I learned that his son was too bright for school and got into drugs because of his boredom.  Also, his daughter was in her late twenties and unmarried.  The horror!  But the time I enjoyed the most was when he asked about my dating life.  I was more than thrilled to tell him about who I was dating, because I love telling intimate details about my life to perfect strangers. 

Where was I?  Oh yeah, they had no idea what was wrong with me, though the x-ray man had plenty of advice for me and my dating escapades.  I was told to take a crap-load of ibuprofin, and to wear this nice ankle brace.
It really completed my outfit I wore to an interview.

Sometimes it makes me look like I have leprosy too.
My life is just so hard. 

1 comment:

  1. its like the only time ive been electrocuted was by christmas lights and sticking a knife into a toaster