Hernias

Psych!  This isn't really about hernias.  I mean, it mentions hernias, but that's not the topic.  I also mention peeing, Sacrament Meeting talks, and turkey which are not the topics of this post either because this post is very bad and I'm sorry.

I used to keep a list of all the things I wanted to blog about because I could never keep up with all the ideas.  I wanted to write about anything and everything.  I even made a rule that I couldn't write more than two posts a week because it was embarrassing.  Now--I've got nothin'.  Probably because I eventually got a job and found friends.

Well, to try and get back in the groove, I kept a list of things I wanted to write about just like the old days.  The problem? The ideas sucked and I didn't have anything to say about them.  The solution? Post them anyway.  Finished or unfinished.  (They're all unfinished.)

So here's the first thing:  Two Truths and a Lie

I started to make a list on my phone of really good things to say if I'm ever asked to give two truths and a lie in some party setting.  I'm really bad at this game.  Like really bad, so I thought it would be a good idea to get a head start and make a list while I'm not under any pressure or time constraints.  This is what I came up with: 

• I once thought I had a hernia, but instead of a bulging organ poking through an abdominal opening, I had poison ivy underneath my skin.
• When I was little I was flying home from Washington and all the flight attendants thought I was adorable so they kept giving my apple juice.  Then I had a horrible case of diarrhea the whole way home.
• I was really small (and obviously adorable) when I was a child, so the doctors wanted to put me on steroids.  I didn't go on steroids. 

Good, right?  Do you know which one is the lie?  Probably not because they're so good. 

Idea Two: Make a list of all the strange things I do daily.

• I count while I pee.  I don't even think about it.  I just count.  What can I say, I'm really good with numbers.  And peeing.

That's it.  I'm perfectly normal besides that.

Idea Three: Write direct quotes from a girl's Sacrament Talk

So I go to church (yay me!) and I also don't really know anyone in my ward (yay Provo YSA wards!) so I typically don't know the speakers either.  Well, this one girl gave an awesome talk yesterday and I started writing down quotes from her talk.  Before you get all impressed that I take notes in Sacrament just know that none of it was spiritual.  Just hilarious.  And it went a little something like this:

• "What up brothers and sisters?"
• "Sometimes I get really overwhelmed with all of this.  I can't be perfect; I like Tupac too much."
• "Jesus is in the Garden of Gethsemane and all he asks of his apostles is to stay awake with him.  And what do they do? Homeboys fall asleep!"
• "I can't be a cool Provo girl--I don't have enough Instagram followers."

Ok, so maybe this was funnier when I was hungry and kind of bored.  Also, did I mention that I was in Sacrament Meeting? Then I stalked her on Facebook while she gave her talk.  I thought she was funny so I wanted to be her friend.  (I normally try to refrain from Facebook during church and stick with the more spiritual apps like Unblock Me (a highly underrated, yet intriguing game) or my digital Japanese flashcards, but becoming her new best friend was very important to me.)

In other news, Thanksgiving was last weekend.  It was great and I ate turkey.  I did not do homework.

Yes, I know this is a chicken.  Snapchat didn't supply the turkey emoji :(

Until next time!

Why I dress modestly

Once upon a time I used to write blog posts mostly for humor.  But now that I started writing rant posts, I can't seem to stop.  I would say sorry, but I'm not apologetic enough to quit just quite yet.

So why do I dress modestly?  As a kid I was taught that we dress modestly because our bodies are temples.  I didn't wear bikinis.  I didn't wear sleeveless prom dresses.  I didn't wear Daisy Dukes simply because they weren't "modest."

Then I started to think about why I really dressed modestly.  I didn't dress modestly because I was taught to, I did it because I respected myself.  I had confidence and didn't feel the need to seek for the attention of guys based off of my body/clothing.  I didn't want that kind of attention, so I didn't dress in a way to get that kind of attention.

As I got older we didn't just learn from adults, we started to get testimonials from the guys our age.  Clean, trim teenage boys would stand in front of me and the other girls and talk about our beauty and how we should guard it because we didn't know the mind of a male.  We didn't understand how hard it was for them to control their thoughts.  And then they'd thank us for dressing modestly because it helped them keep their thoughts clean and helped them to be better.  And then the moms would swoon because everyone loves a pure hearted boy who just wants to stay clean so he can marry a perfectly pure virgin in the temple.  And more than one girl would swoon because she just wanted to marry a boy who wanted her to wear knee length shorts and shirts with sleeves to control his thoughts.

And I would sit there confused.

Wait, you people are actually buying this??  Was I the only one who saw the absurdity in this boy's remarks?  Had I been mistaken?  Was I dressing modestly not because I respect myself and don't want the attention of low life guys, but because a bare shoulder would spark a young man into thinking dirty things about me?  No. I dressed modestly for myself and no one else.  If guys can't control their thoughts, that's their problem--not mine.

More time went on and I found that other women also hated the discussion of modesty and how it objectified the female body.  I wasn't the only one who cringed when they heard "Modest is Hottest," and it felt good to know that not everyone was buying into this whole messed up idea of modesty.  So why am I even writing about this topic if so many women have already done so here and here and here?  Because I realized that I was beginning to dress modestly for reasons other than just self respect.  I was wearing one pieces because I didn't want to feel the judgmental stares of the people on my bare midriff.  Mind you, these weren't the stares of regular people at some city pool or even of a hormonal teenage boy--these were the stares of my fellow Mormon "brothers" and "sisters."

As LDS members, we live lives of pretty high standards.  And although it is great that we push ourselves daily to keep up these standards, we often forget that it's not our job to hold other people to these standards as well.  Middle School and High School can be rough, but I was never judged for wearing shorts two inches above my knee in Ohio.  But you better believe it happens on BYU campus.  Of course, there is an honor code involved in this as well, but overall we (as Mormons) tend to be extremely judgmental of each other.

So here's an example from my life.  I run.  Well, sometimes I run.  And when it's hot I run in my sports bra.  But since I run in Provo, the city that consists of BYU and mostly Mormons, I feel awkward running without a shirt.  Mind you, men run around shirtless all the time, but heaven forbid I run in a sports bra and show three inches of my stomach.  Anyway, because I'd rather not have people judge me, I will run with a shirt until I get to Center St. and then take off my shirt.  Or I'll run in the mountains where no one really cares.

And when it comes to bathing suits, I don't wear bikinis.  I just don't really think it's my style, and I don't feel that comfortable wearing them, but I really don't think wearing a bikini is much more sexual than wearing a one piece.  We're all wearing basically nothing.  I can tell what your body looks like whether you're wearing a one piece or not.  But mostly, if I were to wear a bikini other Mormons would judge me as one of those Mormons.  One that pushes the rules.  One that just isn't that good.  And I know this because I do this all the time.  It's so easy to judge people off of their appearances.

But this is ridiculous.  Just because things like modesty, or Sunday observance, or language are so easy for outsiders to judge, doesn't mean we should be doing any judging at all.  What if that boy who speaks kindly of others and always acts politely is struggling with pornography?  What if that girl who always dresses modestly has had problems with the law of chastity?  Both of those things are much more serious than modesty and language, and yet we still judge people based on what we see.

What I mostly want to say isn't just about modesty.  I guess I'm just talking about judgement.  And how stupid it is.  We all have trials.  We all have faults.  We all need to be better.  We shouldn't judge someone about their clothing (although I do recognize it can reflect the type of morals you have) and we shouldn't judge people's morality because we have no place to judge with our own faults.  Remember that story about the woman taken to Christ because she had committed adultery.  And what did Christ say? "He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her." John 8:7
The crowd dispersed because no one is without sin and Christ said, "Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more."  Christ didn't approve of the woman's sin, but even He, our Savior who is sinless didn't judge her.  Do you feel dumb for judging others yet?  I do.

So this is where I'll return to modesty.  Do I think modesty is important?  Yes.  Of course I do.  Do I think that we put too much pressure on girls to dress modestly for reasons outside of their responsibilities?  Yes.  I don't want to dress modestly to avoid lustful eyes and I don't want to dress modestly because if I don't, other Mormons will think I'm a wayward member.  That's stupid.

I have read article after article about why people pick one piece bathing suits over bikinis, but it always comes down to body objectification and judgement.  And I don't like that.

And to end.  Here is a picture of me and my friend wearing tasteful one pieces.  Do you think I'm a perfect Mormon now?  Because you shouldn't.

Gay Marriage Dispute

Social media has been brutal this past weekend.  So many opinions, so many articles, so many arguments.  And even though I wanted to just avoid it all, I couldn't help but read everything I came across.  I wanted to hear both sides. I wanted to try and understand this supposedly important debate about gay marriage.  But mostly I was just sad.

Before I get into anything I just want to say that I can honestly empathize with both sides.  At one point in my life I really thought that being gay was a choice.  I remember saying once, "Bisexual people are just horny and will hook up with anyone."  I was that closed minded and that judgmental. I'm not saying that those of you opposing gay marriage think such horrible things, but I really did have strong opinions against it all.  Then I grew up some, had more life experiences, gained gay friends and my opinions changed.  Now I'm at the point where I'm not upset about gay marriage in all 50 states.  I'm even happy about it.  But the thing that hasn't changed is my belief in the family--and marriage is the base of that.  As a Mormon, I have confidence in our faith and am comforted knowing that temple marriages will always be between a man and a woman.  So if you're living the gospel, stop freaking out.  If you live the way you're supposed to, then you don't have to obsess about gay marriage.  Have some faith.

I think it's totally fine to state your beliefs on social media, but I just hope it's for the right reason.  I saw many people post things on both sides that were tasteful and not emotionally driven.  But I saw a lot of posts that were judgmental and far from loving.  And this was on both sides.

I'm going to be a bit hypocritical here, because I need to work on this as well, but we really need to be more Christlike.  I'm not saying that being Christlike is to drop your beliefs and accept the opposing view's ways.  I'm saying you need to be loving.  We need to stop looking at each other based off of the labels we have separated ourselves into.  We need to think about how our words do influence people.  If you had a gay brother, would you word your comments the same?  Your beliefs wouldn't change, but I'm sure you'd think about how your words would affect him.

Some people say, "Taking offense is a choice."  I agree, but that doesn't mean it's not hard.  I'm not a crier;  I just don't really like to cry.  But after reading a few days worth of Facebook "discussions" I ended my day by giving a heartfelt prayer to replace my anger with love, and to make the sting lessen.  And then I cried myself  to sleep.

We have to stop judging people.  We are always going to have different opinions, and sometimes they will be about topics in which we will have strong opinions and feelings.  This is a test of your charity.  Please, share your beliefs all you want, but don't be pointing fingers.  It's not a surprise you're all mad at each other.  Everyone knows a conversation will never end well when it's always "you do this" or "I don't like how you...".

This was definitely a rant post, but I know I'm not the only one who feels this way and I'm fairly certain you were the people who kept quiet all weekend.  So, I'm sorry if you had a sucky weekend as well.  I still believe that people are inherently good, but the internet is just so good at providing mediums for tactless comments.

Oh, and please don't say "The next thing we know polygamy will be legalized!"  Because guess what--we already did that.

That's why it's called FAITH

I am LDS.  I grew up Mormon, went to church every Sunday, went to Early Morning Seminary every weekday through high school, go to BYU, served a full time mission, and basically just drip of Mormon shiz.  But I guess I'm done just playing that part of the model Mormon. Because I'm not, and I don't want to trick people into thinking that I am.  Let's be real.  I've got problems.  And I'm pretty darn sure all of you have got problems of your own.  It's not like we need to make our trials public on our Facebook walls, or explain our sins at the pulpit #awkwardtestimonyproblems, but we don't have to make people think that we've got it all together and that our faith is super strong and unwavering.  Because news flash: faith doesn't necessarily mean sure knowledge.  Remember that scripture that says, "...faith is not to have a perfect knowledge of things; therefore if ye have faith ye hope for things which are not seen, which are true" (Alma 32:21).  Alright, the English major in me wants to explain why I used that quote, but I'm gonna break the rules (because I'm super edgy) and just let you ponder on that while you simultaneously continue reading.  You can do it.  You're probably smart.

So here's the thing.  I've got questions.  I've got loads of them.  Does that make me a bad Mormon?  No, of course not.  People are always saying it's good to have questions.  It's ok to have doubts.  I'm pretty sure lots of people wonder why marriage and family are the focus of our faith, but some people never can get married and some women can never have children.  No one really knows why black people couldn't hold the priesthood until 1978.  There are a lot of things we just don't know.  But it's when you voice certain questions, or certain doubts when people start to get awkward.  And suddenly if you have these questions, they judge your faith, or what kind of Mormon you are. (Whatever that means.)  So here is an example that I can think of off the top of my head that is guaranteed to make many members cringe.   Women and the priesthood (or the lack of).  Did that make you wince?  Did you shrink at the thought of talking about this in Sunday School because you've had some uncomfortable memories?  Do you wonder about this yourself, but feel like if you bring it up people will question your faith?  Ok sorry, I'll stop bombarding you with rhetorical questions.

I'm starting a new paragraph because the other one was getting too long.  My English professors would not be impressed.  Anyway.  Why do we get so uncomfortable when women and the priesthood gets mentioned?  There are many questions we can't answer, but why is this question the awkward preteen covered in acne and self-consciousness when the other questions are just cute and ignorant?  (That was my attempt at personifying questions.)  There are probably lots of reasons, but I am going to focus on one explanation.  Really, what I think it comes down to is our attempts of reasoning our way out of the question.  Instead of giving real answers (because we don't KNOW right now) we try to explain why women don't have the priesthood.  How many times have you heard that women don't have the priesthood because their role is to have children?  Or that men are the lesser sex so they NEED the priesthood to make them better.  Gag me with a spoon.  Please.  This post's purpose isn't to talk about women and the priesthood, but let me clarify some things before I move on.  First of all, don't compare priesthood with motherhood.  They're not comparable.  Fatherhood and motherhood is the binary.  Priesthood has nothing to do with that.  Second, women are not better than men, so don't try to make me feel better about not holding the priesthood by placing me on a pedestal.

Ok I'm done with that.  But if you want to read about 13 more pages of that click here.  I wrote a paper about The Feminine Mystique and how it relates to the LDS culture last semester.

And this is where I'll try to bring this all back together.  People, YOU DON'T NEED TO KNOW THE ANSWERS TO EVERYTHING.  Because we just don't know everything right now and the minute you start reasoning your way through questions you've got people saying that men suck so they have the priesthood and women aren't worthy if they aren't mothers.  It's OKAY to say "I don't know."  You can have super duper awesome faith without knowing because like Alma 32 said, it's not a perfect knowledge, it's a hope.  If we knew the answer to all our religious questions, faith wouldn't be necessary.  I believe that having questions and facing your doubts is the ultimate act of faith.  Not knowing is scary, but that's why we have faith.  It's a hope for things that are true.  I have a pretty solid testimony that God is my loving Heavenly Father.  I also know that Jesus Christ is my Savior and Redeemer.  I can't claim that I know everything else.  I might believe, or maybe just hope.  But that's good enough.  The prophet and the apostles are the ones who are supposed to be special witnesses of Jesus Christ.  We should be sharing our witness to others, but it's not the same.

So again, let's be real.  I love being Mormon.  I love the direction and happiness it has provided me.  I love how the Gospel of Jesus Christ gives my life meaning and pushes me to be better.  I will try to be my best self, but I'm not gonna try to make you think I've got it all together.  But even though my life might seem like a mess right now, that doesn't mean it always will.  I have that faith, but that doesn't mean it's perfect.  Because is that even possible?

Bra Shopping

I think it's safe to assume that most of you know me.  Or know enough about me.  Enough to know that I'm pretty flat.  We really don't need to get into the details of that, (because there's not much to work with) but I honestly don't mind having a flat rack.  When I was in middle school I hung out with a group of girls that mostly consisted of super athletic, super thin, and super flat 13-year-olds.

A few of the girls blossomed earlier, but the other half of us were definitely late bloomers and boobs weren't a part of our personal lives.  I wasn't necessarily a late bloomer, but considering the fact that I'm not exactly blessed now, I definitely wasn't blessed then.  The thing is, I actually wanted to be flatter so I could look more like my skinnier and flatter friends.

I'm being completely serious.

But.  As much I thrive in the life of a small breasted woman, I still have to buy bras.  And I'm not just talking about sports bras (which I love and own a pretty impressive collection if I do say so myself).  No, I'm talking about women's bras.  Bras with cup sizes and other numbers that confuse me.  I have gone "real" bra shopping a total of three times in my life.  Yes, three.  I'm not lying when I tell you I hate bra shopping.  I might be ok with my cup size, but I would rather go furniture shopping (which I can comfortably say that I hate) over bra shopping.  It's just not fun for flat people.  I'm sure it's not that fun for super busty women either, but they have nothing to do with me, so I don't care about their problems.  

It sucks trying to just find the section that carries bras for less "endowed" women because it's so small...haha (^_^;).  Usually it's near the Junior's section which you can find by following the trail of pink and signs that say things like, "my first bra," or "just for fun."  It sucks to tell the lady working in the intimates section your sizing and see her searching through the racks trying to find something that works.  It sucks to try on a bra and not be able to fill it.  It sucks when all the bras in your size are push-up bras because the manufacturers just assume you want your boobs to look like Bs and not As.  It sucks when you fill it because that only reaffirms your cup size. It sucks when you actually buy a bra because they're EXPENSIVE AND I DON'T EVEN WANT IT.  It sucks when five years later you realize you need to go bra shopping again.

So I am 23 years old and just went bra shopping for the third time in my life last week.  It actually wasn't totally traumatizing because I'm less flat than I was at age 15 (look Mom, I grew!) so Kohl's sold things my size, and because my mom found these bras that are like a hybrid of a WOMAN'S bra and a sports bra.  I'm still pretty excited about the fact that I'm wearing a real bra but really it's a sports bra in disguise.  Since this last process went quite smoothly I was able to get it done with fairly quickly and mosied around the brassier section while my mom finished up.  These are the kind of things you will read if you embark on an adventure like mine.

• "Lift and shape"
• "Body caress"
• "Eliminates back fat"
• "Memory foam cups contour to you!"
• "Puts the "girls" back where they belong"
• "Our biggest push up bra yet!"
• "No more underarm bulge"
• "Ego Boost" (this was obviously for a push-up bra)

Is it just me, or are the descriptions on the bra packaging surprisingly visual despite the use of euphemisms?

Also.  This jem.

But the muffin top is the best part!

One day I'll be a woman.  And I'm pretty sure that "woman" will still hate bra shopping.

Why I'd make an awesome girlfriend/wife.

I am a single, 23 year old woman.  In other words, I am in the hunt for a man to make my husband.  Or so you would assume considering I am Mormon and at BYU.  But in case you were wondering--I am actually not currently searching to get hitched.  I'm not avoiding it, but it's really not what I'm basing my happiness and success off of right now.  It's something that I don't want to waste my effort/worry on.  If it happens it happens.  If not, then I'm glad I didn't spend how many months/years worrying over my singleness.

But as chill and put-together as I may sound, that doesn't mean I don't think about relationships and marriage.  I actually think about it quite a lot because like I said, I am 23 and at BYU.  You can't just avoid conversations about relationships;  they make up half (or more) of the conversations I hear or are part of.  Really, I might have recently stopped worried about finding someone and getting hitched, but I do wonder why all the guys aren't fawning over me.  Why they're not falling head over heals for me.

Did that seem conceited?  A bit arrogant?  Of course it did.  I have this problem (is it really a problem?) where I think fairly (ok, very) highly of myself.  Heck, I'm freaking awesome and sometimes I wonder why all the guys out there don't think the same of me.  So here's a list of why I'd make an AWESOME girlfriend/wife.  And yes, I was the person who compiled it.  You can add on if I miss any.

1.  I'm fit and work out (sometimes).

 

2.  I shower often.

3.  I love steak.

4. I drive a minivan.

5. I like to party.

6. I'm hard working.

7. I'm freaking sexy.

8. My style is equally sexy.

9. I'm a serious blader.

10. I'll get naked for you.  As long as you pay me back.

11. I have an awesome smile.

12.  But most importantly: I can cook...really good popcorn.

I mean, I'd date me...

10 signs that you have an overactive/child size bladder

I live a good life.  A blessed life.  A life filled with awesome things like Netflix and ice cream.  But I also live the life of a small bladdered woman.  What's it like to have a small bladder?  Well, today I went to the bathroom five times in a a five-hour work shift.  All because I drank 3/4 of a water bottle.

 It's not like this is a rare thing; if I'm somewhat hydrated, chances are I have to pee.  And if not, I'll probably have to in 5 minutes.  This is no laughing matter and trips to the bathroom are a big part of my life, so I thought I'd make a list of 10 signs you have an overactive/child size bladder.  Just in case you're not sure.

10 signs you have an overactive/child size bladder

1.  You can't sleep-in past 8 am because you have to pee.
2.  Your most recurring dream is one that involves you searching for a freaking toilet that either isn't broken, in a unisex bathroom without stalls, or out in the public for everyone to witness.
3.  You don't drink fluids on road trips or plane rides.
4.  You sit in the isle seat on planes so you have easier access to those scary small contraptions that suck away your waste instead of flushing it.
5.  Ordering a large drink is more of a punishment than an upgrade.
6.  You are highly experienced and skilled at urinating in a squating position.
7.  You can pee anywhere and have marked your territory on many a location.
8.  The last 30 minutes of a movie in a movie theater is super painful because you've been holding it for over an hour.
9.  You know the location of the restrooms in all the buildings you frequent often.
10.  You write blog posts about your bladder.

I hope this was educational and informative.  For those of you that are blessed with larger bladders, I hope you could get a glimpse of what I have to deal with on a hourly basis.  And for those that can empathize with me--I hope your life will be filled with clean public bathrooms, and a plethora of toilet paper (if you're a girl).

Tinder

The first time I heard about Tinder was when I was a missionary. My little sister was explaining it to me through an email and I almost fell out of my chair it sounded so ridiculous.  And worldly.  And shallow.  And sketch.  And gross.  But keep in mind, I was also a missionary, so I considered things like hugging someone of the opposite sex inappropriate.  It's all about perceptions, right?

If you don't know about Tinder, it's kind of like a dating site that's free, pretty popular, and a lot more questionable.  You write a short bio, add a few photos of yourself and then you start judging people with the swipe of a finger.  If you like what you see, you swipe right.  If you're not interested, left.  If you both are interested in the other, you're matched and you can start chatting. It's kind of like a chat room, but more romantic.  I have heard of relationships and even marriages stemming from Tinder, but you never want to admit that you met that special someone through Tinder because it doesn't have the best reputation.  The fact that you get matched up with single people miles away just based off of photos is pretty superficial, and most often leads to superficial relationships.  A.K.A. hooking up.  Also, I'm talking about the use of Tinder in Utah (the land of the Mormons) so hooking up means making out.  Just to clarify.

So as you can imagine, my squeaky clean missionary self might have choked on the idea of Tinder and all it stands for, but we all know that once we get home from our missions we turn into our regular carnal selves again.  Jokes.  (And sadly slightly true.)  Anyway, it was just a matter of time before I made a Tinder account of my own.  Remember when I made a Match.com profile for that one class?  Well, I actually made a Tinder account first, but dropped it when I realized it didn't fit the assignment as well.  I moved on to better things.  But when my match.com profile was shut down because I was apparently too much AWESOME for the online dating world I remembered that I had made a Tinder account and hadn't done anything with it.  I mean, I had already downloaded the app, I might as well give it a try...right??

But don't judge!! I wasn't going to actually use it!  It was more like a joke!  I had made it for a class assignment!!

We all have our Tinder excuses.  But like all excuses, they don't really mean anything.  For example:  I excuse myself from donating blood because I'm too petite, but actually meet the weight requirements easily.  Here's another: I don't shave my legs more than once a month because I'm a hairless Asian, but mostly I'm just lazy.  Like I said, excuses.  I had made an account, added a few somewhat photogenic pictures of myself, and started swiping.  And swiping.  And swiping.  I swiped at work.  I swiped at the gym (the one time I went this week). I swiped while doing homework.  I swiped while eating cereal. (I probably swiped while eating other things, but mostly I just eat cereal.)  Something was so addicting about glancing at a photo for .2 seconds and judging if they were good enough for me.  I'd probably swipe right once for every fifteen guys. See?  I'm not desperate!  See how I turned down all those guys?  See how I have enough self respect and confidence to think I'm more attractive than the majority of them?  It's kind of like the really sick and shallow game I play when I sit in a room of 30 people or less and judge whether or not I'm the most attractive person.  I must have a skewed sense of judgment, because I usually come to the conclusion that I am the most aesthetically blessed in the room.  Anyway, if nothing screams poor/unsubstantial source of confidence like those two examples, I don't know what does.

But I wasn't just judging looks.  Oh no, I was judging people's character.  Their virtue.  Their very being.  All from a few pictures and a few sentences in their bio.  I mean, "a picture says a thousand words and you have TWO of them!"  Chances are I messed up that quote, but I'm too lazy to check.  But really.  I judged these guys hardcore.  It's like there was a contest for who was the most macho man of all masculine men in a 30 mile radius, and they were all on Tinder.  Seriously, I have never seen so many shirtless pics.  So many pictures of boys doing manly stuff like snowboarding/skiing, or fishing, or camping/backpacking somewhere epic, or hunting because GUNS!  Is this what guys think girls want?  Do they think they have to present themselves like this in order to get the equally desperate ladies on Tinder?  And I don't mean to only bash the guys, but since they're all I see, that's all I have to work with.  Although I'm sure the ladies have equally embarrassing and revealing pictures posted as well.

Shirtless pic, AND he's fishing.  Two birds, one stone.
Also, please note his poetic tagline.

But I deter.

And then the mirror selfies.  Oh my lanta, the selfies.  Don't you know that you ALWAYS look dumb in a mirror selfie?  First of all, you're not staring at the camera lens, you're staring at your phone's screen.  Second, your phone is blocking half your face.  Third, you had to have taken at least five other selfies just to get that perfect angle of your abs.  And fourth, do you really think your bathroom is the best setting for a picture?  I can't even tell you how good I felt about myself when I rejected these guys.  They might have washboard abs and pecs bigger than my own fully developed breasts (fairly certain they're done "growing"), but that's not all I look for in a man on Tinder. No sir, I care about things beyond appearance. I care about their character.  I care about what's in their heart.  I care about what kind of husband he could become.  Wait, you don't think about marriage before you even go on a first date?  Yeah, me neither...

But then things started to get serious. My roommate, Rachel, started conversations with some of my matches.  I know I wasn't doing this Tinder thing seriously, but it was pretty embarrassing when Rachel started a conversation with "Heyyy."  I knew I'd probably never meet the guy, but I turn red just thinking that someone put my face and "heyyy" together.  But regardless of how stupid I thought Tinder was, I was still swiping and every time I got a match with someone attractive it gave me a little ego boost.  I had no plans of actually meeting these guys, but it still made me feel good about myself.  In a super meaningless and warped way.

But then guys really did start asking if I wanted to hang out and even though I was taking this whole Tinder thing more seriously than I had originally planned, I was not going to "hang out" with anyone.  So I deleted it.

And gollyyyyy, did I feel good about myself after that.  I gained more confidence and respect for myself than when a really hot guy swiped right on my photo.  I had gone into this whole Tinder thing as a joke, and never really did get serious about it--but I still cared.  And that annoyed me.  So yeah.  I don't have a Tinder anymore, but I don't care if you have one.  I'll admit, it's fun.  But for now, I'm just going to continue living my very single life.  Because I actually kind of hate dating anyway.

Thoughts while I worked on a take-home exam.

Just a little background information: Last night (a Saturday night, mind you) I was spending way more time on a take-home essay/exam than I wanted and these were some thoughts I had (and obviously recorded on my phone).  Funny how I was able to find memes that had to do with my very thoughts.  Looks like I'm not alone.

• Take-home exams always sound better than a regular exam--until you have to do them.
• Why do they make the due date on a weekend at midnight?  My procrastination and social life are not getting along at the moment.
  
• The goal was to finish this exam at 9pm, but it's due at midnight, so I guess I always knew what time I'd actually finish.
  
• It's hard to write papers while fasting.   Now I have to find all my distractions through the internet.
  
• Maybe writing my paper on my bed lying down wasn't a good idea.
  
• I wonder what it's like to live a life without procrastinating...probably boring.
  
• Taking an exam is like dying by bullet in the head.  Take home exams are like getting your finger nails ripped from your hands and then slowly starving to death in the Sahara Desert.  

  

  I guess Spongebob just really relates to this post.

• I really shouldn't have taken that two hour nap.

  

  Hey, the meme swore, not me.

• Did I really just write this sentence? "Once I saw both ways, the structure and idea that what I see is really what exists, was broken, I was able to understand the truth."  I need to stop.

In case you were wondering, I wrote two essays.  The first was pretty good and the second was pretty bad.  I finished at 11pm.  

And no, I'm not writing this blog post to avoid my homework due tomorrow...

Find me on Match.com ;)

Hey guys, how are you?  I'm good.  I have been gettin' back in the grind, going to school, working, studying, and exercising.  Ok, so lately exercise means going to the gym, lifting for 10-15 minutes and then going on the elliptical for about 10 minutes then giving up and going home because I can't lift without getting sore and I hate ellipticals with a burning passion.  The bad kind of passion. 

But that is not the point of this post.  As you can tell from my rigorous exercise schedule, I have hardly any spare time and when I do have free time I don't spend it blogging.  (Usually it's spent eating cereal, taking naps, or other things important things that escape me at the moment.)  So I am just going to post a homework assignment that I did for my Media in the Classroom class.  We were supposed to use some form of social media and make a statement of some sort about it. 

So I made a Matched.com profile.

And oh, was it fun.  Way too much fun.  I would just attach the link, but after a few days they shut my profile down.  I think they realized I wasn't a real person.  And not only was making my profile fun, but reading other people's profiles was even better.  Oh my goodness.  So freaking funny.  I can't even...gahh words.  So funny.  But before you read this, I just want you to know that as ridiculous as my profile is, I got lots of likes and interested men lookin at my page.  I'm THAT irresistible.

Also, the format of this page is dumb and the pictures are small, so click on them and then you can look at them without having to squint.   Also also.  I know this may be asking a lot, but every detail counts.  Read everything because I probably put thought into everything.  Also, just so you can understand notdesperate92 better, just know that she lives in Utah, is a BYU student, and is filling almost any horrible husband-hungry stereotype I could think of.  That is all.

So.  Would you date me?

Words of Wisdom from my grandparents

I don't know if you've noticed, but I haven't written a proper blog post in quite some time.  This is not because I suddenly stopped seeking attention through the Internet, but because I have been in Japan serving as a missionary for the past year and a half. I've been home for about a month and I've been meaning to write a post about how awesome and life changing my mission was, but it overwhelmed me too much.  Which is why I haven't done anything about it.  

So instead of writing an enlightening and spiritually uplifting post, I decided to copy and paste from a list I kept of the funny things that my dad's parents said when they visited over Christmas break. Enjoy.

•Grandpa Oda: (pointing to a door) "Where does this lead to?" 

Dad: "It's a cupboard."

•Me: "do you have a tissue?" 

Grandma: "Yeah I got some!" (Pulls out a gallon bag full of tissues)

•Grandpa: "Everything I'm wearing is from Costco."

•Grandma Oda: "See those tombstones over there? They say "I told you I was sick."

•Grandma: "I'll go buy the prune juice.  It's a special kind; it's the strongest one." 

Dad:"you can use my Metamucil if you want." 

Grandma: "It doesn't work fast enough."

•Me: "You got some white chocolate on your lip." 

Grandma: "Are you sure it's not snot?"

•Grandma: "That's why Sam (grandpa Oda) said he liked me compared to other Japanese girls; I had boobs."  

•Grandma: "I don't know why, but every time Sam falls, I laugh."

•(grandpa reading the obituary in the paper) "All these dead people look young. It must be the humidity."

•Grandma: "I always wondered why people get so ornery when they get old, but I guess that makes us glad when they die.  If they were sweet till the end that'd be so sad."

•Us: "Do you mind if we go to the mall?"

Grandma: "Yeah that's fine. Sam likes to sit and look at all the girls."

•Grandpa: "Debbie, we don't need dinner tonight." 

Grandma: "Yeah Sam ate all the samples at Costco." 

Grandpa: "Only the ones that looked good..."

•(Christmas Eve, eating Jerusalem dinner.) Grandpa: "is that pancake?" Us: "It's naan; Indian bread."

Grandpa:"what's that brown stuff?" 

Us: "Dates." 

Grandma: "are those beans?" 

Us: "No, they're olives." 

Grandpa: "This bread stuff (naan) is good.  It's like tortillas." 

•Us: "We don't get ready in the morning for Christmas, so don't worry about it." Grandma: "Well, I gotta draw my eyebrows." 

Grandpa: "Yeah, and put in her teeth."

•Us: "merry Christmas Grandpa!  And happy birthday!" 

Grandma: "Oh yeah, it's your birthday..."

Grandpa: "It's my birthday?  Not tomorrow?  It's Christmas?  It's the 25th?"  

•Grandpa: "what's that word for when you write on your phone?" 

Us: "Texting."

•Grandma: "When I win the lottery I'm gonna get a face lift."

•Grandpa: "I've never had a drink in my life...hardly."

•(Grandma talking about Grandpa): "don't believe anything he says.  Especially about my driving."

•Grandpa pointing to our tennis machine: "Is this a car wash?" 

Me: "No it's for tennis." 

Grandpa: "Oh, a pressure washer?"

•Grandma giving a prayer: "...please bless grandma and grandpa that they can try to be productive and busy...in the name of Jesus Christ, amen."  Grandpa: "Gee, that was so long, I almost fell asleep."

Grandma: "Yeah I know--I didn't know how to end it."

•Grandma: "Well young kids don't like talking to us old people. We talk about doctors and pain and pills; they talk about dates and boys." 

Grandpa: "I talk about old ladies. 

Grandma: "Yeah, he dreams about those old ladies at Costco giving him samples."

•(talking about the kingdoms of glory) Grandpa: "well I'm going to the celestial kingdom anyway..."

Me: "Grandma, I'm probably going to put stuff about you on the Internet..."

Grandma: "I don't care."

Hilarious, right?  Needless to say, my Christmas break was filled with good old fashioned entertainment via my grandparents.

And here are some pictures I took of my grandparents. The majority being of them eating or sleeping.