Hernias

Psych!  This isn't really about hernias.  I mean, it mentions hernias, but that's not the topic.  I also mention peeing, Sacrament Meeting talks, and turkey which are not the topics of this post either because this post is very bad and I'm sorry.

I used to keep a list of all the things I wanted to blog about because I could never keep up with all the ideas.  I wanted to write about anything and everything.  I even made a rule that I couldn't write more than two posts a week because it was embarrassing.  Now--I've got nothin'.  Probably because I eventually got a job and found friends.

Well, to try and get back in the groove, I kept a list of things I wanted to write about just like the old days.  The problem? The ideas sucked and I didn't have anything to say about them.  The solution? Post them anyway.  Finished or unfinished.  (They're all unfinished.)

So here's the first thing:  Two Truths and a Lie

I started to make a list on my phone of really good things to say if I'm ever asked to give two truths and a lie in some party setting.  I'm really bad at this game.  Like really bad, so I thought it would be a good idea to get a head start and make a list while I'm not under any pressure or time constraints.  This is what I came up with: 

• I once thought I had a hernia, but instead of a bulging organ poking through an abdominal opening, I had poison ivy underneath my skin.
• When I was little I was flying home from Washington and all the flight attendants thought I was adorable so they kept giving my apple juice.  Then I had a horrible case of diarrhea the whole way home.
• I was really small (and obviously adorable) when I was a child, so the doctors wanted to put me on steroids.  I didn't go on steroids. 

Good, right?  Do you know which one is the lie?  Probably not because they're so good. 

Idea Two: Make a list of all the strange things I do daily.

• I count while I pee.  I don't even think about it.  I just count.  What can I say, I'm really good with numbers.  And peeing.

That's it.  I'm perfectly normal besides that.

Idea Three: Write direct quotes from a girl's Sacrament Talk

So I go to church (yay me!) and I also don't really know anyone in my ward (yay Provo YSA wards!) so I typically don't know the speakers either.  Well, this one girl gave an awesome talk yesterday and I started writing down quotes from her talk.  Before you get all impressed that I take notes in Sacrament just know that none of it was spiritual.  Just hilarious.  And it went a little something like this:

• "What up brothers and sisters?"
• "Sometimes I get really overwhelmed with all of this.  I can't be perfect; I like Tupac too much."
• "Jesus is in the Garden of Gethsemane and all he asks of his apostles is to stay awake with him.  And what do they do? Homeboys fall asleep!"
• "I can't be a cool Provo girl--I don't have enough Instagram followers."

Ok, so maybe this was funnier when I was hungry and kind of bored.  Also, did I mention that I was in Sacrament Meeting? Then I stalked her on Facebook while she gave her talk.  I thought she was funny so I wanted to be her friend.  (I normally try to refrain from Facebook during church and stick with the more spiritual apps like Unblock Me (a highly underrated, yet intriguing game) or my digital Japanese flashcards, but becoming her new best friend was very important to me.)

In other news, Thanksgiving was last weekend.  It was great and I ate turkey.  I did not do homework.

Yes, I know this is a chicken.  Snapchat didn't supply the turkey emoji :(

Until next time!