Airplanes

I went home last week to get ready for my mission and to be around for Lily's end of the year stuff.  She's a Senior and graduating.  WHAT.  Lily isn't exactly thrilled about being ranked just 12th in her graduating class, but for people of lesser intelligence like me, I'd say that's pretty good.  So I'll brag about it for her instead.

No, that's not her boyfriend, but this is the only photo I had.  Apparently high schoolers don't use facebook anymore.

Anyway, I went through the temple with my parents and got to enjoy Memorial Day weekend with the family and it was nice.

Cute little people in front of the cute little Columbus temple.

And that's enough about my personal life.  This post is really about planes and cool stuff like that. 

Since I go to school on the other side of the country, I get to fly home instead of drive more often than not.  (Thanks Mom and Dad.)  And since I flew home this past week planes are fresh on the mind.  I've been flying on Southwest for some time, but I'm still getting used to their weird seating arrangements and such.  Since they don't have assigned seats, boarding the plane can be kind of stressful.  They board us alphabetically and numerically off of our boarding pass, but once you get on the plane it's free game.  I prefer the aisle seat because I don't feel so trapped, and I enjoy it when people step on my toes or elbow me in the face as they walk by.  But really, for some reason I feel better knowing that with an aisle seat I can easily escape and move around the cabin.  All 20 feet of it.  My brain doesn't make sense.

Moving on. Once again I was in the last boarding group, so I had given up hope in landing an aisle seat.  And then I saw some open in the back of the cabin and made the trek over there.  I felt relief once I finally found an empty aisle seat, but seconds later discovered that it was unoccupied because there was a baby in the row.  I love babies.  I really do, but I also have ears and I didn't want to sit next to a crying baby for 3 hours.  So instead of being an understanding human being, I awkwardly told the nice mom that I was actually going to sit somewhere else, and moved one whole row back. 

FREEDOM.  Until I looked to my right and saw a mother with her two very young toddlers and another toddler behind me.  That's when I realized that the back of the plane was where all the little human beings were kept.    It wasn't a horrible flight or anything, but I made sure to sit near the front on my next flight.   Even if it meant sitting between two old men.

Speaking of sitting between men, I tend to do that a lot.  Like I mentioned, I'm typically in the last boarding group, so I get stuck with the middle seat.  On my flight home over Christmas break I fell asleep on the guy next to me.  Whatever, his legs were totally in my space, so I let my head take up his space.

The worst part of the flight wasn't the babies.  It was the turbulence.  Sometimes a little turbulence can be kind of exciting.  Just like taking off is pretty darn fun no matter your age.  I don't get how people can just read or sleep like it's not a big deal.  WE'RE LIFTING OFF THE GROUND IN A HUGE METAL MACHINE.  OF COURSE IT'S A BIG DEAL.  Anyway, it was so bumpy that we weren't supposed to be moving around the cabin.  The flight attendants repeatedly told us to "please stay in your seats until the pilot says otherwise," but apparently this meant nothing to the passengers because they kept on getting up and using those tiny suction bowls that pass as toilets.  But seriously, the flight attendants told us at least five times to stay in our seats and no one listened.  Except me.  Me, with my tiny overactive bladder.  And of course I had to go, but I wasn't about to get up and use the restroom after they told us not to FIVE TIMES.  Hey, I've watched LOST; I don't want to be in the bathroom when the plane crashes.

While I'm rambling about commercial airlines, can we talk about the flight attendants?  Let's begin with "Stove"--a great flight attendant.

I don't really have anything against flight attendants, but I've found that they can be pretty boring.  Probably because they have to fly in a little plane all day errday with annoying people like Annie.  Well, on my last flight one flight attendant was particularly hilarious.  I may have been the only one laughing at her jokes, but I was entertained nonetheless.   Before starting the whole safety presentation, the flight attendant began by saying "Please pretend to direct your attention to the front as we give the safety demonstration."  And when she was wrapping up the flight she closed with, "Thank you for flying Southwest.  We hope to see again, and remember that no one appreciates you or your money more than Southwest."  Again, I was the only one to laugh, but I just think that's because I was the only one listening.

I would rant about the food they serve or lack thereof, but there's really nothing to mention when it comes to peanuts.  Except they better give me a couple bags of them because I'm starving and would like to have at least two mouthfuls of food to hold me over for the next four hours.  But I'm not ranting or anything.

Also, I just made this video.  You should watch it.

i ran a half marathon

So I finally ran a half marathon.  I've trained for three, but this was the first I actually ran.  Sounds pretty similar to my triathlon experience, too.

I didn't give myself much time to train either, but I did let the Facebook world know that I was serious about it.

I call it Facebook accountability.  If I don't follow through on something I post, then my Facebook friends have the right to hold me responsible.  Because I'm sure they keep track.  And care.

So I trained for about 5 weeks which really wasn't ideal, but for once I actually had a running buddy to make me run when I didn't want to.  Which was basically every time.  But training isn't very exciting to read about.  So I'll move onto the actual race.

The Provo City half marathon is pretty much all downhill, so it's a pretty fast course.  It starts up in Provo Canyon up the road past Vivian Park, and takes the Provo River trail to University Ave. straight to 100 south of Center Street.   If you live in Provo/Orem that might actually mean something to you.  What you really need to know is it was 13.1 miles long (like every half marathon) and it started at 7am.  Which means I had to wake up dark and early to take the bus at 5am to the starting line.  Don't worry, I totally got a good 3.5 hours of sleep that night. 

So on the 13.1 mile bus ride to the canyon I sat next to a girl who was a UVU student.  We had a nice chat (and by nice I mean hilarious) in which I found out a lot about this girl.  But I can't remember her name, so I'm going to pretend her name was Ashley.  She was blonde and was wearing makeup.   I hope that's a good enough visual.  These are just a few things that came out of Ashley's mouth on that bus ride.

• "My parents are so excited that I'm running a half marathon.  I haven't done anything with my life until now."
• "I don't think I trained enough.  I haven't actually ran more than 8 miles."
• "I ate way too much pasta at Olive Garden last night.  Five bread sticks might have been a mistake, too."
• "I almost decided not to run today because I've had food poisoning for the last two days.  I totally threw up at Iron Man 3 because the woman in front of me had B.O.  Bad smells totally set you off when you have food poisoning."

The longer I talked to this girl the more I was impressed and slightly disgusted that she was even running in the race.  I saw her afterwards and she seemed to be alive and keeping her food down, so I assume she was ok.  You go Ashley.  Defying all odds.

After huddling around the campfires by the starting line for a good hour and half, it was finally time to run.  I was a little bit freezing since we were up a mountain, and it was 7am.  If you can't tell, I really don't like running in the morning.  I stripped off my warm clothes, threw them in the bus, and went to the starting line.  I wasn't really sure what pace I was going to run, but I knew that I wanted to finish under two hours.  This meant I had to run faster than a 9 minute mile.  Never mind I had been running a 9:30-10 minute mile pace during my training runs.  Man, I really didn't train well. 

I noticed that there were people holding signs with finish times on them and I quickly learned that they were pacers.  I thought I'd try running with the 1:55 pacer and see how that went because I had no idea what I was doing and hadn't ran in a race since high school cross country.   The pacer was cute, petite, energetic, and I stuck close to her.  The first half was a breeze and I mostly just talked to Isela (the pacer) and her husband.  If I hadn't been surrounded by other runners wearing spandex and short shorts it wouldn't have even felt like a race. 

Then at mile 6 Isela sent me off to go run faster and maybe even finish at 1:50.  I felt pretty good and ran ahead.  And ran some more.  And ran some more.  And then I started to feel it.  And then I realized I had no idea how fast or slow I was running.  Just after I ran the one and only "hill" I heard, "Kristen, what happened?"  And there were my pacers.   Turns out I had slowed down a lot.  So for the last 3.5 miles I was just trying to keep up with Isela.  That 8:45 pace that had seemed so leisurely before, now felt like a sprint.  There was a 5k race that started 3.1 miles from the finish line and when I ran past it, I might have hated those lucky runners who were STARTING 10 miles closer to the finish line than me.  I hurt and I just wanted to slow down, but cute little Isela kept pushing me.  But really.   She literally pushed me forward at one point, and even held (pulled) my hand to keep me going.  I must've looked pitiful. 

Even with Isela's help I couldn't keep up with her.  I ended up finishing at 1:55:18, but I was pretty happy with that.  My high school self might have shuddered at the thought of a 8:48 mile pace, but my younger self can suck it because she was running dinky 5k races. 

Finishing and wanting to die. 

The 1:55 pacers.  Also, my head is really big.

Afterwards, I walked home because I felt charlie horses comin' on, and I was afraid to stop moving.  Thanks to Aubrey, Tiffany and Jenai for keeping me company.  And making sure I didn't collapse.  There were a few close calls. 

Then I we went to Kneaders AND Sonic.  Food guilt doesn't exist after races.

Orange cream slush=heaven

Adolescent Stalking...I mean sightings

So I'm in an Adolescent Development class because apparently it's important for me to know about this stuff as a high school teacher.  Whatever, I totally went through puberty gracefully.

Anyway, we had to do these journals where we wrote about our adolescent sightings and how their behavior reflected what we had learned in class.  Some people went out of their way to go places like high school basketball games, or Panda Express to creep on teenagers, but I felt really weird doing that...and I was too lazy.  So I just sifted through the recesses of my brain to find ANY adolescent encounters I had in the last few months.  And this is what I came up with.  No changes were made.

• 3/09/13 Later evening: I was disco skating in Orem and there were a lot of high school students there. I saw many cliques, but I think they were all part of a crowd. It was pretty obvious who belonged to which clique though because they were literally wearing the same disco clothing (or their interpretation of disco clothing) and looked exactly the same. They also grouped themselves pretty obviously by taking photos to post on any number of social networking sites. My guess is Facebook or Instagram.

• 3/22/13 Evening: I went to the movies and there were a bunch of younger adolescents there together. A lot of the girls were taller than the boys because they had started their physical development before the boys their same age. Or maybe they just like younger boys; I won’t judge.

• 3/28/13 sometime during the day: I was talking to my younger sister who’s about to graduate high school. Lily recently got a job at a restaurant called Sushi on a Roll, and although she has had her licence for a while, she really feels the difference in her social status, particularly in the economic area. Even though Lily’s fairly certain she got the job because she’s half Japanese, she takes her position seriously and is willing to roll sushi when she has absolutely no credentials to be doing so (in a sushi restaurant of all places).

• 4/10/13 Evening: I went to the BYU Synthesis jazz concert and it was super awesome and the crowd fully enjoyed themselves...except for the middle school boy sitting behind me. While everyone was cheering for an encore, the boy was complaining and asking when it would end. I don’t know if the boy has a musical background like most of the audience, because he definitely wasn’t geeking out as hard as me. But I really think the biggest reason for his disinterest was his age. He wasn’t as cognitively developed and I don’t think he realized the extreme talent of good old Wycliffe Gordon, and simply just heard jazz music instead.

• 4/13/13 Afternoon: While I was longboarding down the Provo Canyon I saw a lot of adolescents doing the same, but in a much more hazardous manner. I’m assuming the development of their limbic system was ahead of their prefrontal cortex, because they were definitely thrill seeking. All I could think is how stupid they were being, and secretly wanted to put helmets and knee pads on them.

• 4/18/13 Morning: Today I’m pretty sure there were more high school students on campus than actual BYU students. I think there was some kind of language fair going on, but mostly it just meant that there were high schoolers swarming in packs EVERYWHERE. I’m still amazed with how much noise they can produce, but I guess they were just excited or something. I was studying (cramming) for my Japanese oral exam on the third floor of the JFSB, and somehow the high schoolers found their way up there, too. They were looking for a particular room, and it was interesting to see how some of them would ask me if I knew where they were supposed to go, and others would continue wandering around instead of using an actual college student as a resource. The older students seem to have developed socially because they weren’t afraid to ask me for directions (that I couldn’t give).

• 4/18/13 Afternoon: Today I was running on the Provo River Parkway trail on the west side of Provo. I was running with one of my professors who has been helping me train for a half marathon. She is pretty thin and cute, so it can be easy to mistake her for a college student, especially since she was running with me. We ran past a couple adolescent boys who were skateboarding and wouldn’t even look at us. I’m pretty sure they recognized that she was a grown adult, and acted very distant because they probably haven’t developed many intimate relationships with adults yet. On the other hand, a couple other boys on bikes whistled as they went by. If they would have known my teacher was actually thirty­-three, and not in her twenties like me, I don’t think they would have done that. They also had each other, and I’ve found that men and boys rarely call out when they don’t have their friends around them. Whether it’s a boy or a man, it’s still obnoxious.

And that's what I turned in for my assignment.  I hope I get an A.

All you can eat sushi

Some things sound like a good idea, but really aren't.  For example, all you can eat sushi.  I love sushi.  I can eat a lot of it and still enjoy it.  But no one should eat as much sushi as I did that one time.

I went to this classy restaurant a couple days ago.

I heard that this place used to be a gentleman's club. 

I'm sure you know what sushi means, but the "ya" part means shop.  Hence, sushi shop.  I'm really good at Japanese.  Anyway, I went to eat a bunch of sushi with some of my friends on Saturday.  I had never been there, so I wasn't sure how the system worked.  Basically you eat a ton of sushi so that you get your money's worth.

The first round was awesome.  We got like five or six rolls of sushi plus six pieces of nigiri.  We ate it in less than five minutes.

Then we ordered our second round.  We also demolished that pretty quickly.  And then Tyler and Anne-Marie suggested a third round.  By that time sushi didn't sound very appetizing to me.  That sticky rice was starting to expand in my stomach, and I knew if I ate any more it wouldn't be pretty.

The third round was just gross.  It's crazy how amazing sushi can taste, and then how absolutely horrible it is once you've eaten 4+ rolls.  It took us a long time to get through that last plate of sushi.  It might be called unlimited sushi, but you're required to eat all that you ordered.  There was no way we were going to eat all of that, so we had to come up with ways to get rid of it.

This is when we had to resort to our childhood skills.  Anne-Marie stuffed some sushi in her napkin and smuggled it into the bathroom where I assume she flushed it or threw it away.  Tyler picked at the sushi and spread the remains across the platter and hid it under our plates.  The whole thing was pretty ridiculous, and all we could do was try not to laugh to avoid puking everywhere.

Trying to finish the third round.  Obviously we were having a good time.

I've overeaten at countless Asian buffets, but not solely on sushi.  If you haven't experienced overindulging on sushi, I wouldn't recommend it.  We ate there for lunch, and I didn't eat anything for the rest of the day.   I repeat, I didn't eat for the rest of the day.  I never lose my appetite.  Like ever, so that's saying a lot.

And this was my experience at Sushi Ya.  You should go.

How to Write a Sacrament Meeting Talk

To those of you who aren't Mormon, this post isn't going to make any sense.  And I can guarantee it won't be funny.  So you can either skip this post, or convert to our religion.  It's up to you.

Sacrament Meeting talks.  So many emotions sweep over me just thinking about them.  Unlike many other churches, our bishop doesn't give a sermon every week.  Instead we trust those of the congregation (starting at a mere 12 years of age) to prepare and give their talks.  This can be a daunting task, so I have made a template for you to use as you write your talk.  It's based off of hundreds of talks I've heard in my lifetime, so it's sure to bring success.

Talk of Spiritual Awesomeness

Good morning/afternoon brothers and sisters.  A couple weeks ago Bro. _______ came up to me and put his arm around my shoulder.  I knew it wasn't a good sign and tried to find an escape route, but I was trapped, and sure enough he asked me to speak in Sacrament Meeting.  (Chuckle to yourself, and look up for recognition in the congregation.)

But all jokes aside, I'm very grateful that I had the opportunity to prepare for this talk.  It's something that I struggle with, and I'm sure that this talk is more for me than any of you.  I'm not a great public speaker, so bare with me.  I hope that the Spirit will help me along.

I was asked to speak on_____.   There is so much to say about ______, but let's first look it up in the Bible Dictionary.  I also looked up _____ in the Topical Guide and found these scriptures on _____.  (Read those scriptures.  Slowly.  Stressing the word that you looked up.)

By this point you can do a number of things.  Pick any of the bulleted points to speak on depending on the desired length of time you need to fill.

• Summarize a talk given by a general authority that has to do with your topic.
•  Read several quotes by prophets, apostles, or C.S. Lewis.
• Give an analogy that applies to your topic.  Preferably about climbing up a mountain -- this one is used all the time because it's obviously the best.
• Read an entire verse of a hymn in monotone. 
• Read a story from the Ensign.

Finish up your talk with a bang.  That is, a testimony of course.  And bam, you're done!


And there you have it.  The foolproof template for writing an amazing talk.  Don't worry about cliches, they don't exist in spiritual settings.

How to write jaw-dropping Facebook statuses.

Did you notice that I don't blog as often as I used to?  (Please, just say yes.) Even though my blogs are pretty light-hearted and maybe a bit ridiculous, they actually take quite some time to write.  I've sat down many a time with an idea in mind, tried to write, erased it, wrote some more, erased again, and then just gave up.  So that's why I don't write very often.  Did I mention I'm lazy?  As cheesy as it sounds (because it is) writing is my creative outlet, and when I'm not blogging it needs to come out in a different form. 

This different form that I am speaking of is the Facebook status.  In other words, Facebook statuses (stati?) replaced my blog.  But really, it's kind of brilliant.  Instead of writing a whole blog post, I can simply write two amazing sentences.  (Maybe not amazing, but I like to flatter myself.)  Did I mention I'm lazy?

In no way is this picture necessary.  But I still need one.

So if you want to be the envy of all your Facebook friends, then just follow these steps to making a fantabulous Facebook status.  Because these things matter.

How to write a supercalifragilisticexpialidocious status:  
(Is supercalifragilisticexpialidocious an adjective?  And if it is, is it a positive one?  Because that's what I had in mind.)

1. Use sarcasm.
2. Make them short.
3. Be sarcastic.
4. Make them surprising/shocking.
5. Obnoxious is ok.
6. More sarcasm. 

Maybe that wasn't very helpful.  My best advice is to apply the Golden Rule.  Don't write a status you wouldn't want to read.  Who freaking cares if you're going to the mall today?  NO ONE!  Who cares if you're stressed from school?  NO ONE!  Who cares if your husband is the best?  NO ONE!  Who cares if you're depressed?  NO ONE!  (Actually, we do care, but we also feel extremely uncomfortable with the fact that you shared it on a social networking site.)  If you want people to care about your life, you're gonna have to make it interesting.  Not your life, the status.   In other words, it's not what you write about, but how you write it.   

Man, I'm deep.

The thing is, sometimes I really want  to complain via Facebook.  Sometimes I want to slightly brag about an accomplishment.  Sometimes I want to make people think I'm doing something awesome with my life.  So this is how you do it.

Good and Bad Statuses About Random Life Examples You Want to Write About on Facebook That are Most Likely Boring:  

Life Example #1: Say I got the stomach flu and I've been puking my brains out all night.  For some reason I want all my fb friends to know, so I make a status about it.

• DON'T WRITE: "Ugh sick all night.  I feel horrible."  
• DO WRITE: 
• "Pretty sure I lost 10lbs from the stomach flu last night; my butt's gonna look awesome in my skinny jeans."  
• "The toilet and I became best of friends last night."
• "Don't need to exercise today, puked my guts out instead!"
• "The bad news is I got the stomach flu.  The good news is I watched a full season of Vampire Diaries on Netflix."

Life Example #2:  It's a major Holiday.  Obviously you want to remind everyone.

• NO: 
• "Happy Halloween!"
• "Merry Christmas!"
• "Happy Valentine's Day!"
• YES: 
• "Tonight I'm going to dress up like a fairy, knock on strangers' doors, and threaten them with tricks if they don't give me treats.  It makes sense."
• "I bet my presents are better than yours."  
• "For some reason I have the uncontrollable urge to gorge myself with chocolate.  I think it's about time I get a boyfriend."

 Life Example #3:  You got stellar grades this semester.  Everyone must know of your greatness.

• NOT OKAY:
• "Woop, straight A's this semester!"
• "Hard work really pays off, because I got a 4.0!"
• Translation:
• "Yay I'm smart!  But I'm still dying for attention!"
• "Yeah I studied hard, but mostly I'm better than you!"

• ACCEPTABLE: 
• Nothing.  Stop bragging you meany-face.  Mediocre students (like me) hate it.

Life Example #4:  You're getting a haircut soon.

• BORING:
• "Getting a hair cut today!"
• "Any suggestions for a new hairstyle?" 

• NOT...BORING:
• "Getting my hair cut today...all of them." (That one will never get old.)
•  "I want to go for a more classic hairstyle.  Mohawk, afro, or wig?" 

See what I mean?  It's all about HOW you say it.  Words can create awesome, or they can create annoying.  It's up to you.  ONLY YOU CAN PREVENT FOREST FIRES!  What?

 

Oda Christmas Card of Awesomeness

So here's our Christmas card for this year.  I wrote it again.  I made sure to mention that in the first sentence.  I'm vain like that.

Well hello there, friends!                       


Once again, I (the middle daughter, Kristen) volunteered to write the Christmas letter because I had so much fun last year. Plus, it was a huge success...according to me. I’ll try to fill you in with some things that we did this year, but try not to be too impressed.

I just reviewed last year’s letter, and not much has changed since then. My dad didn’t get another detached retina this year, but he did have cataract surgery! He has 20/20 vision in his right eye...and the left needs some fine tuning. That is one miracle, the other is my mom started running!  But really, this is a miracle, and no one is more surprised than her. They also keep busy with church callings, work, and tennis. You know, exciting stuff like that.

Lily is a high school senior this year and it freaks me out. She’s basically obsessed with health (in a good way) and complains about things like how stuffed she is after eating two heads of broccoli.  She also likes to order meals like “Eggplant Cauliflower Steak.” Do not be fooled, the “steak” is actually cauliflower.  Our fridge now consists of fruits and vegetables, and more fruits and vegetables.  Oh, and Lily was an intern at the Cleveland Clinic this past summer.  I guess that’s pretty impressive or something.

Jenai and I are still living in good old Provo, Utah.  Over summer we discovered that hiking is much more exciting in Utah than Ohio-- because there are mountains. Imagine that.  So we hiked a lot and it was awesome. We also went camping in southern Utah, and it was really hot. But I’m sure you already knew that, too. Both of us have moved up positions in our stellar jobs and enjoy some more freedom.  Jenai doesn’t have to work customer service for Vivint anymore, and she gets to make her own schedule. I now supervise Night Custodial in the MTC (Missionary Training Center) cafeteria, and apparently I can’t get enough of the MTC because I’m planning on serving a mission starting sometime this summer.  1000 points to anyone who guesses where I’m going.  My bet is somewhere exotic like Wyoming or Nebraska.  I also got accepted into the  English Teaching program at BYU, so I’ll be shadowing high school and middle school teachers next semester.  Who would have thought?

We have enjoyed another great year and feel very blessed. We are thankful for your friendships, and I’m even more grateful if you’re still reading this letter. So this Christmas, hug your kids, parents, dog, etc. and tell them you love them. Maybe eat a few too many cookies, because heck, it’s Christmas!  And don’t forget to write thank you notes to your relatives for the gifts they sent you.  According to my mom, that’s very important.

Merry Christmas from the Odas!

Candid pictures are just so much more natural.