The Art of Texting

Before I ever had a cell phone, the concept of texting never made sense to me.  Why text when you could just call?  I still ask this question, but since then I've learned how useful texting can be.  Sometimes you're in situations where you can't talk, so texting is really the only option.  School, work, church (what?) are perfect examples of where texting is the better choice.

At one point my phone was considered high tech.  Like five years ago.

Texting is a major part of our lives whether we like it or not, and that's why people need to know how to do it right.  As ridiculous as it sounds, there is an art to texting.  There are hundreds of unwritten rules concerning texting, and I am going to attempt to write some of the down for humanity.  What can I say, I'm a saint.

 The Unwritten Rules of Texting...until now:

1. If you text someone and they don't respond, don't text them again.  Unless it's your mom, then none of these rules really matter.
2.  If someone calls you, don't text them back.  Use the same form of communication that they initiated the conversation.  Unless you're at work.  Or school.  Or church.
3.  Don't respond with "k."  It's annoying.
4.  Take the same amount of time to answer texts as the other person.  If they take 20 minutes to respond, don't text back right away.  It makes you seem desperate.
4.5  Having said that, don't be that person who takes forever to respond.  There are no excuses when it comes to technology. 
5.  Don't initiate a conversation with "what's up?"
6.  Don't ask someone on a date via text message.  Grow up and just call her.
7.  Don't break up with someone via text message.  Unless you initially asked her out by texting; she already knows you're a wuss.
8.  Avoid texting your parents if you want a response within the day.
9.  Texting is not instant messaging.  If you keep on texting me, I'll never be able to respond. 
10.  If you do start a conversation, you better respond to my answer.
11.  If you're texting someone and the conversation is going nowhere, let it die off.  You don't always have to officially say goodbye.
12.  If your text is so large that it has to send in over three messages, it's too long. 

The list could go on and on, but that's all I can think of right now.  But I'm not done.  No, there is still so much to talk about when it comes to texting.  This is fun.

Adults and texting
There are two extremes when it comes to the types of texting adults.  The first type is the equal to a thirteen year old girl.  they txt lyk this & shortn evry wrd possible & find ways 2 replace words with numbers.  Ok, that's exhausting.  It really doesn't cut down texting time, and it's simply obnoxious.  Most people don't use T9 anymore, so it's better to actually spell out the word and use punctuation.  If they don't text like a preteen on AIM, then they are extremely careful texters.  They use correct spelling, grammar, and punctuation.  Always.  It's basically like talking to a robot because they have no emotion.

Drunk texting
Ha, like I know anything about being drunk.  According to the movies, you probably texted inappropriate things to your ex, and looked really stupid doing it.  That's all I got.


Emoticons and exclamation points!!!!!!!!!
I'm not a huge fan of texting and this is mainly why.  I speak pretty bluntly in person, but if I were to text the same dialogue people would think I'm a freaking brat and meany face.  So in order to soften my texts I'm basically forced to use some sort of emoticon or exclamation point.  I hate smiley faces because they are dumb and don't even look like faces because I don't smile with my head tilted to the side like this :)  Nope, I smile like a normal human being.  Also, when guys use smileys I automatically think of them as very feminine.  Sorry, it just happens.  And don't even get me started on exclamation points.  An English Professor Who Must Not Be Named once taught that "Exclamation points are ugly, graphic, and addictive (just like porn)."  Ever since then, I've avoided exclamation points like the plague...or pornography.  This statement is totally true, but exclamation points are mostly just obnoxious.  If you're ending the majority of your sentences with exclamation points instead of periods, you're doing it wrong.  Plus, all I can imagine is the person excitedly telling me about non-exhilarating things!

Mass texts
They suck.  Don't send them to me.

Texting to avoid awkward situations
I really don't understand why people think that texting will fix awkward situations.  It doesn't.  Though sometimes when I realize that I'm walking in the wrong direction I'll look at my phone and then turn around.  Somehow I feel like that justifies my stupidity.  I also think it's really annoying when I'm hanging out with a group of friends someplace like a restaurant and everyone is on their phones.  First of all, no phones at the dinner table!  And second of all, you're already with friends, so stop texting other people!  Yes, I realize that I just used two exclamation points, but they were necessary to sound like an angry mother. 

Sarcasm
Another reason why I dislike texting is because I tend to be sarcastic, and sarcasm is all about voice inflection.  And if you didn't know, texting is not audible.  So basically I sound either really stupid or really mean. And then I have to use smileys.  CURSES.

Over-analyzing texts
Notice how the word "anal" is part of analyzing.  Freaking out about text messages usually only occurs in the dating sphere of your life.  I'm not going to read and reread texts from my mom if I think she sounded annoyed or mad.  She's stuck with me for life, so why worry?  No, text paranoia applies almost exclusively to people you like or may potentially date.  Texts can be so obscure you'll go crazy trying to process all the different ways you read it.  As much as I hate smiley faces and exclamation points, they are crucial to how I read a message.  And if he doesn't use them I start to panic.  He sounds so distant and cold.  He hates me.  Yep, he thinks I'm a crazy freakazoid.  That's it, I'm not texting him again.  And that's my thought process.  Waiting for texts is the worst, but it's something that must be done.  I'd rather go insane waiting for a text than be that annoying girl.  What really sucks about waiting for an important text is when your phone goes off and it's not from that significant other.  It doesn't matter if it's from your sister, friend, or cat--you want to throw your phone in their face.  I'm sure that's a normal reaction. 




I just think it's weird that I use my phone for texting more than actually talking.  It's like reverse technology.  But I mostly just dislike texting because I'm too lazy.  #firstworldproblems

My mom is better than yours

This is the first Mother's Day that I'm not home to celebrate with my mom.  So I decided that a blog post dedicated to her would be a suitable Mother's Day gift.  That's thoughtful, right?

I'm pretty sure most people consider their mom as one of their biggest role models.  Our moms carried our slimy and pruny bodies in their stomachs for nine months and then raised us to adulthood.  That alone deserves a lot of credit.  And though my mom is my biggest role model, it's not just because she raised and nurtured me, it's because she's one of the best people I know. 

Don't worry, these are not her shoes.

Do you remember that time in your life when you started to see adults not merely as grown ups, but as people?  And once you realized that they were just older versions of yourself, you saw all of their faults and flaws?  I remember going through this experience, and it really affected me.  I found myself disappointed in many adults that I had once thought admirable.  I understood that adults couldn't be perfect, but even so, I felt like they could be more mature.  Looking back, I'm pretty sure I had such high expectations of adults was because of my mom.  Up until that point, I had assumed that adults didn't gossip because I had never heard my mom speak ill of anyone.  I started to compare my mom to other adults and it soon became evident that she is an exceptional person.

My mom helped me and Lily look a little more like legit pioneers.  My dad wasn't very convincing.

I'm not writing this to brag about my mom, even though that's basically all I've done so far.  I'm not comparing my mom to yours either, because I'm sure your moms are amazing.  But I'm pretty sure my mom is better than yours. 

I also don't have squinty asian eyes thanks to my mom.

My mom is extremely level-headed and practical.  Everything she does is just smart.  She doesn't get caught up on things like other women might, and for that I'm grateful.  Because sometimes women are annoying.  And when I say sometimes, I mean a lot of the time.

Since I've left home and gone to college I've started to notice things that I picked up from my mom.  When I go shopping I check the tags to see if the clothing is made of polyester or some other synthetic material, I buy the next size up if it fits in the store and it's 100% cotton; I still buy Grape Nuts and shredded wheat for cereal, and I have to eat at least one vegetable with dinner (or a poor substitute for dinner). 

Oh, and my mom is probably prettier than yours.  But remember, I'm not bragging or anything.

My mom is a spiritual beast and a convert to the church.  I read her journal when she was a teenager and newly baptized.  Basically, she was very spiritually mature for her age.  But she's always been mature.  I think I talked about this already...

I spent a lot of time with my mom through childhood because I was home schooled.  She was my teacher till fourth grade, and taught me how to read, write, add, subtract, and tried to teach me about fractions.  Key word: tried.  She was a good teacher, but I wasn't a very driven student.  My mom read to us for hours and because of that my sisters and I love reading.  But seriously.  Jenai used to wake up at 5am to read before she started her school work.  She also dressed up as a book worm for Halloween once.  We were interesting kids.

We wuv her.

I could go on, but I'm not going to.  I have to post this before I leave for work in a few minutes.  Speaking of procrastination, that is one practice I did not learn from my mom.

Happy Mother's Day, Mom.  I LOVE YOU!

scary movies

I like to think that I'm a brave and strong person.  I don't freak out and squeal when I see a spider, I don't pee myself when I'm on a roller coaster (though I occasionally black out), and I'm not afraid of heights.  I'm pretty cool and composed for most situations, but that all goes down the toilet when I watch a scary movie.  I hate scary movies.  I hate them.  They are the worst.  Every time I watch a scary movie I promise myself that that will be the absolute LAST horror movie I will ever watch.  But then peer pressure by my so called "friends" happens and I find myself watching yet another scary movie against my will.

Once I realize that I will be watching a scary movie I have to mentally prepare myself.  This includes repeating encouraging phrases out loud like "I'm going to die,"  "I hate you all," "Why am I doing this," and "I'm never going to sleep."  Then I grab a pillow and hold it as a shield to protect me from all the scary parts during the movie.  

This is my face during the opening credits.

This is my face when I know I won't be sleeping for the next week.

And this is my face for the majority of the film.

The first scary movie I ever saw was The Ring.  Not only are asians good at math, they are also are good at making scary movies.  My own people betrayed me.  After I watched it I was certain that I was going to die from absolute terror or lack of sleep.  I also promised myself I would NEVER watch it again, but I got pressured into watching it again a few days ago.  This time I watched my pillow more than the screen.  I had worked 5+ years trying to forget that movie, so I wasn't going to let all that hard work go to waste. 

(My depiction of Samara/The Ring.  I was too afraid to actually look it up on Google images).

What makes The Ring so much scarier to me is the fact that we had a freaky old tv in our basement that would randomly turn on and do that fuzzy screen thing like in the movie.  I would walk downstairs with the lights turned off and find the tv doing that.  No one had turned the tv on.  IT TURNED ITSELF ON!! Samara was going to kill me.  This happened a few more times and then I solved the problem by unplugging the tv and covering the screen with a blanket.  Genius, I know.  Then later on, when I was less freaked out, I tried to solve the mystery of our haunted tv and discovered that the self timer was set to turn the tv on by itself.  It took me awhile to find that amusing.

The moral of the story is, I'm a baby.