The Unlikely Gift of Treasure Blume: (In which I attempt to write a book review)

  
The Unlikely Gift of Treasure Blume
by Lisa Rumsey Harris


About the book:
With her love of sweaters, goofy hair, and awkward manners—not to mention her family curse—Treasure Blume knows love is not in her future. That is, until she matches wits with Dennis Cameron, a divorced chef with a six-year-old daughter. Full of mischief, mayhem, and laugh-out-loud humor, this is an unlikely love story you’ll want to read over and over again!



Part where I talk:
Yeah, I have no idea what I'm doing.  This is obviously not a book-reviewing blog, so how did I end up in this position?  To make a long story short, I know the author as "Sister Harris" because she was my Honors Writing 150 professor a couple years ago.  We've stayed in touch ever since, and when I jokingly offered to write a review for her book, she took me up on it.  Actually, that's basically the whole story. 

The Unlikely Gift of Treasure Blume is unlike anything I've ever read.  That sounds over dramatic, but it's still true.  I don't even know what genre it is, so I'm going to make one up and call it "adult fictional funny romance stuff."  I guess romantic comedy might be the same thing, but I like my description better.  The thing is, Treasure Blume isn't like other romantic comedies.  First of all, she's got this twisted family curse that makes everyone besides children and old people dislike her.  (Believe me, somehow it works.)  And second, it's an adult book without all the "adult" junk included.  And when I say junk, I mean sex.  It's like a Young Adult read, but for older people.  Wow, I'm really bad at this.

I also couldn't help but imagine Treasure as a younger, more awkward Sister Harris.  The image appeared, and it stuck.  People don't like Treasure when they first meet her, but if they give her the chance, they can learn to love her.  Although Sister Harris is my favorite professor and a mentor/friend, that wasn't always the case.  The first week of the semester I was actually scared of her, and I was not happy to be in her writing class.  Hey, in her syllabus she warned us that she could be an "arbitrary and capricious woman"--how else was I supposed to react?  Anyway, my opinion of her soon changed for the better, and I obviously think very differently of her now than I did initially.  So that's why she reminds me of Treasure.  Plus, they both have blonde hair.  For some reason, that really helps with the visual.

I'm kind of getting off topic.  Anyway, Treasure Blume is a quality read that's also funny and delightful.  (I'm pretty sure I've never used the word "delightful" in my life.)  I recommend it to anyone that has a heart and a brain.  So that's basically all of you.  I don't want to hear any excuses about lack of time or energy, because I read the whole thing in a few days in the midst of midterms, homework, papers, and work.  In other words, I don't know how to prioritize.  BUT it was totally worth it.  The release date is November 13th, and you can pre-order it on Amazon.  I did.

Now that I look back, the only summary is in the beginning section that I didn't even write.  So, I guess you'll just have to read the book. 

Best Q & A ever:
I wrote up a few questions for the author.  Her answers alone are testament to how funny her book is.

Q: What’s the best and worst thing about publishing your book?

A: The best thing is that now people get to meet my imaginary friends. Honestly, Treasure and Dennis and Grammy Blume have lived in my head for so long that it’s startling to hear other people (like reviewers) talk about them.  It’s surreal and crazy and fun, especially when people get it.  The worst thing is learning and understanding the publishing process.  I guess I thought that once the book was accepted for publication, my work would be done. How very wrong I was.

Q: Do your current writing students know of TB and are they going to read it? If so, is that weird for you?

A: The current students know that my novel is being released this November. They are invited to attend the launch party at the BYU Bookstore on Nov.15 from 5 to 7 (as is everyone else in the world), but I told them that they DO NOT have to purchase my book.  But you should come: we’ll have treats and giveaways and all sorts of fun stuff. As for weirdness, it’s weird enough that YOU read it. And that you’re interviewing me for your blog. Like right now. See? It’s weird.

Q: Did you name Kristen (one of Treasure’s fellow first grade teachers) after me? Because I’m just going to assume that you did.

Absolutely.  In fact, in the original manuscript, Kristen was a much bigger character. She was an Asian superhero who single-handedly slayed Bonnie B. Baumgartner , the evil secretary.  But somehow, my editor thought that Kristen was too powerful and blood-thirsty, so she demanded that I tame Kristen into the mild-mannered teacher you see in the book (Pay no attention to the fact that I had already written the book when I met you for the first time).

Q: Is Dennis (Treasure's love interest) a hottie? At one point he's described as having "pec muscles." I couldn't shake that from my memory.

A: I think so. He’s tall and muscular from hauling around all those big boxes of heat and eat meat products at the school. But it’s an unconscious sort of ripped. He doesn’t work out. He has a high metabolism, and he’s just blessed. In my head, he looks like a younger John Corbett (the guy from My Big Fat Greek Wedding):

(Hey, she included this photo, not me.)

Just picture him buttoning up the denim shirt, and slapping an apron and a hairnet on.  Now that’s hot.

Q: I heard rumors of a sequel...any ideas of when it'll be finished?

A: Right now, I’m immersed in my next big project: baby girl #3, due January 2013.  So far, the sequel is mostly in my head. But funny things are  brewing: love, betrayal, reality TV, Donnie Osmond, and Ostrich farming. My best estimate of when it will be done is . . .  not right now.

Q: How many ugly sweaters do you own? Would you make Treasure proud?

A: I own more than I should, especially considering that I buy them for a fictional character (Sidebar: you can read my confession about shopping for Treasure’s sweaters here: http://tristipinkston.blogspot.com/ ). I hesitate to tell you more about my collection because I’ll just make you envious.   And Treasure would beam with pleasure if she showed up on “Ugly Sweater Day” in my classes: extra credit for the ugliest sweater. 


Here are some of the winners from a previous class. Of course, no one can match the sheer fabulousness of my  V-8 Sweater.


About the Author:

Lisa Rumsey Harris grew up writing stories and riding horses in Southeastern Idaho. She received a bachelor’s and master’s degree in English from Brigham Young University, where she now teaches writing classes.  Lisa lives in Orem Utah, with her ancient Siamese cat, her husband  (who cooks nearly as well as Dennis) and her two adorable daughters. When Lisa began writing this book, her oldest daughter was in first grade. Her youngest daughter finished first grade this year. Check out her world at www.treasureblume.com or on facebook under Lisa Rumsey Harris, author.

Giveaways:

1. You can register  to win a free copy of The Unlikely Gift of Treasure Blume at GoodReads: http://www.goodreads.com/giveaway/enter_choose_address/33531-the-unlikely-gift-of-treasure-blume

2. Or at the Book Bug’s site:  This contest is open until Nov.2: http://thebookbug-hogan.blogspot.com/2012/10/the-unlikely-gift-of-treasure-blume_19.html

My Awesome Injuries

Have you ever had a pretty serious injury, and a seriously awesome story to go along with it?  Because I haven't.  I've never even broken a bone, or had stitches.  What I'm trying to say is I'm boring.

Now act shocked.

I have had my share of injuries, but never from anything exciting.  If I'm limping around, it's because I have shin splints, not because someone hit me with their car.  (In which I'm grateful).  I have had a couple serious injuries, and they actually do have stories to go with them.  But they're not awesome.  They're extremely dumb and ridiculous.  Dumb, because I was being stupid when they happened, and ridiculous, because I'm just such a wild spirit!  Jokes.

So let's start with the story of when I got a concussion.  Concussions are cool, right?  Sure, except when I get them.  I'm not sure whose idea it was for me and my younger sister to tie ourselves together with a rope and jump around the house, but I was the genius who suggested that we also tie up our hands "To make it more difficult."  Sometimes I hate Past Kristen.  As you may have already guessed, we didn't make it very far.  Actually, we didn't even make it one full hop before we fell TOWARDS THE BRICK WALL.  And since we didn't have access to our arms, I helplessly fell into the brick wall head first.  It hurt.  Then I cried some, went home, cried over the toilet because I thought I was gonna puke, and went a little crazy.

After I asked what day it was a few times, my mom started to worry for my brain parts.  That's when I got to go on an adventure to the hospital WHEEE!  Except I still felt like I was going to be sick, so I just sat in the car with a trash can in my lap.  I can remember going to the emergency room -- which I always imagined being much more crazy and emergency-like -- and talking to the receptionist.  Well, my mom did the talking;  I just stood there holding the trash can.  (I'm sure I looked adorable).  "What happened to your daughter?"  My mother probably felt very proud when she told the secretary: "She hit her head on a brick wall when she and little sister tied themselves together with a jump rope."  Yeah, so I got a CAT scan and stuff and sure enough, I had a concussion!  Except I never learned of that minor detail until a few years later.  I really don't know how my mom failed to mention that to me. 

I have another story, but I don't really feel like explaining it because it's so stupid.  Basically I messed up my back when I was playing in the snow with a friend.  We weren't in high school or anything....Yeah, so we decided to do that super cool flip thing over the other person's back.  Normally it works fine, but my friend bailed mid-flip, and dropped me on my head.  Like I said, dumb.  I had to go to the chiropractor for a couple months after that to repair the damage.

Last week I showed up to work with this nice little scratch on my face.  

So apparently I look like an infant when I don't wear makeup.  I promise I'm 20.

I took this attractive picture a couple days after the incident, so it looked much more poofy and red when it was fresh.   So how did I get this flesh wound?  I was lying on my bed and had to grab a plastic folder from my back pack next to my head.  And then the folder attacked my face.  Naturally.

That night I went to work and got to tell everyone why I had a Harry Potter scar on my cheek.  Then mid-shift my ankle started to hurt.  By the end of the night I was limping like a gimp with a cut up face.  The next day I barely survived the walk to campus, and I decided that I should probably go to the doctor.  So the next morning I drove my trusty scooter to the student health center and met with a doctor.  He had no idea what was wrong with me.  Probably because my ankle started hurting for no reason and wasn't swollen, or hot, or sensitive to touch.  *Spoiler alert*: I never found out why my body decided to stop working. 

So then I got X-rays.  The man who took my x-rays was very...friendly.  In the ten minutes I spent with him I learned that his son was too bright for school and got into drugs because of his boredom.  Also, his daughter was in her late twenties and unmarried.  The horror!  But the time I enjoyed the most was when he asked about my dating life.  I was more than thrilled to tell him about who I was dating, because I love telling intimate details about my life to perfect strangers. 

Where was I?  Oh yeah, they had no idea what was wrong with me, though the x-ray man had plenty of advice for me and my dating escapades.  I was told to take a crap-load of ibuprofin, and to wear this nice ankle brace.

It really completed my outfit I wore to an interview.

Sometimes it makes me look like I have leprosy too.

My life is just so hard. 

How To Prepare for the New School Year

I don't want to brag or anything, but I'm a pretty stellar student.  I got an overwhelmingly positive response to my post entitled How to Write a Really Long Paper, so I thought I'd help you out once more.  This time I will share my knowledge by providing useful tips on how to prepare for the new school year. 

Most of you probably already started school in the past week, and for this I apologize.  It would've been better for you to use this new-found knowledge earlier, but I wanted all my advice to come straight from my present life.  Which means all of my counseling is from these past few weeks up until now. 

Starting a new school year can be really exciting and even a little scary because a lot is changing in a little amount of time.  Before classes even start you have to move into your new apartment/dorm and unpack, meet any new roommates, grocery shop, and buy textbooks.  That is a lot of stuff, so take my advice and just don't do it.  At least not all at once. 

I was able to move into my new apartment last Thursday, and it was pretty tiring moving all those things from the car to my room.  I didn't want to exhaust myself, so I didn't start unpacking till yesterday.  Of course I'm doing it in increments, so I unpacked just one box.  I only have a few more to go. 

It's all about pacing yourself.

I also took a mini vacation during the last weekend of summer break.  I went to Yellowstone with work friends and it was a blast.  I even became friends with a chipmunk.

If Celeste's head wasn't in the way you would see Old Faithful.

That's a buffalo.  Their natural habitats are man-made streets.

This was a much needed break, because I wanted to get away from all the stress of the upcoming school year.  Like I said, I didn't want to unpack everything right away, and I thought it would be better to miss the first week of church in my new student ward.  I would have blended in if I had shown up the first week like everyone else.  This way when I finally show up to church I'll be the intriguing new girl.

Since I was gone over the weekend, I wasn't able to meet my new roommate when she moved in.  I got home around 3am Saturday night, so I met her the next morning.  First impressions are crucial to friendships or any type of relationship in general, which is why I wanted to really nail it with my new roomie.  The first time she saw me I was walking into our bedroom from the bathroom in a t-shirt and underwear.  She said, "Hi, I'm Brook."  And I replied, "I'm Kristen."  And then I went back to bed.  She saw me at a very vulnerable moment considering I was hardly dressed and still half-asleep.  Because of this, Brook knew she could trust me because I trusted her. 

Grocery shopping is also pretty important when you move into your new place.  Like I already mentioned, it doesn't have to be done right away though.  If you wait it saves money, and time.  I have yet to buy any new food, so I'm happily living off of garbanzo beans, animal crackers, greek yogurt, and peanut butter bread.  

I also haven't bought any of my new books yet.  Don't worry about completing your first few assignments or readings, it's all worth the wait when you can avoid the lines. 

Actually, now that I think about it, most of my advice is just to wait.  Some may call it procrastination or laziness, but don't let their negativity fool you.  Life is more exciting if you wait till the last minute to do things.  For example, I left two of my bikes locked up outside of the apartment complex I lived in during Spring and Summer semesters.  Technically, I wasn't allowed to leave them there once I had moved out, but I kind of forgot about them.  I knew they were going to cut the locks and sell the bikes that were left behind, so I went back to good old Liberty Square Apartments to see if my bikes had been cut loose yet.  The whole time I walked towards Lib Square the excitement multiplied while I wondered whether my two bikes had been taken or not.  I wasn't let down.  My mind was blown when I discovered that my lock was gone along with one of my bikes.  The surprising detail was my road bike (worth 3x the amount of my other bike) was still there just resting against the railing.  What an exciting mystery to solve!  It's pretty thrilling to experience a real-life robbery.

I also recommend waiting to pick up your apartment key at least a few days after you move in.  I just got mine today, and I only got locked out twice.  Like I said, it's just more excitement. 

So those are some tips about preparing for the new school year, but what about the first day of school??  The first day of classes will provide hundreds of first impressions, and like I said, those are very important.  Many people mistakenly think that they have to wear their new cute clothes on those first few days of school, but they're wrong.  You don't want people thinking that you care too much.  Then you just look desperate.  Instead, you want to look only halfway decent so your peers know that you are confident enough to rely on solely your good looks instead of richly attire.  Meghan and I both did this and it was pretty obvious how awesome we were.  I also didn't have many options since I still hadn't unpacked.  Killing two birds with one stone!

I hope these tips were useful.  Just follow them and you will be an awesome student like me.

Road Trips

Sometimes road trips sound like fun.  Like when you're with a group of friends and someone says "We should just drive to Vegas!"  Or, "Let's go to California! ROAD TRIP!"  That sounds enjoyable, except we never actually do it.  Sadly, my experiences with road trips are not exactly a party.

My dad's side of the family lives in Washington state, which is basically as far away as possible from Ohio.  Lots of people don't know where Ohio is, so I'll draw you a map of how freaking far apart they are.

I would just like to add that I drew this free-handed on my computer.  So yeah.

Sometimes we would fly to Washington, but we've driven there a few times also.  Basically you have to do two 14 hour days of straight driving to get there.  And I didn't even drive back then.  I just sat in the back sleeping, eating, and watching movies the whole time.  Now I'm older and I still want to do all those things, but I don't get to.  I'm still not sure why.

Anyway, last week Jenai and I drove from Utah to Washington to meet up with family there.  I was going to be gone during the check-out day for my apartment, so I had to move out a week early.  Which means I packed all night, went to bed at 3am, and then woke up at 6am to clean.  The plan was to hit the road at 9am, we left at 11.  Whatever, we made good time and arrived at my grandparents' in eleven hours. 

Although we arrived in eleven hours instead of the planned thirteen, it still felt like forever.  Both Jenai and I were running on hardly any sleep, and I felt guilty every time I took a little nap.  Those guilty feelings didn't last very long because after a few hours, Jenai asked me to take over the wheel.  No problem right?  Sure, if I could drive stick shift -- Which I can't -- At least not well (remember this post)?  Yeah, so I woke up with Jenai pulling off onto a road in the middle of nowhere asking me if I could drive.  I was out of it, so I just said, "Uh...sure."  Never mind I hadn't driven stick in over a year, and quite badly at that.  It was all ok though.  I didn't stall getting into first gear and then it was easy sailing in 5th on the highway.

A good thing to remember while driving in the west is there aren't many stops, and when there are, you better get gas.  So we stopped at a lot of gas stations.  A lot of crappy gas stations.  We had to stop in some town in Idaho and the pump was so ancient, Jenai had to ask how to use it.

Yeah, you pump that gas.

The picture is kind of blurry because our windshield was covered with dead bugs.

Then we made it into Oregon and apparently they have gas attendants who pump your gas for you.  (Because it's really hard to do it yourself).  Of course we didn't realize this, so when the creepy guy with the long hair walked up to our car we thought he was going to do something much worse than pump our gas.

It's probably creepier that I took a picture of him.

 Road trips can be exciting when  you see the landscape change.  We definitely saw a change out of Utah's mountains.  The majority of the drive looked like this:

 It was really exciting.  We did get to drive through Seattle and the mountain pass so it was pretty for a little bit.

But not for long.  We entertained ourselves by listening to music and then Tina Fey's Bossypants.  I'm pretty sure I've listened to that audiobook five times now.  I love her.

Then we drove through this swampy place and our windshield got even more disgusting.  So many bugs were hitting the car it sounded like it was raining.  Oh gosh, it was so gross.

Another fun thing about road trips is all the junk food you bring to snack on.  I had just moved out, so I didn't have any food and Jenai didn't either.  We stopped at a gas station and I bought a big bag of trail mix and some chex mix.  And that was what I ate for lunch and dinner.  So much trail mix.

Then we got there safe and sound.  The end.